Same Beat
by rozaboza
Summary: Why else would I try and crawl under his skin. One shottie


yello! i am vomming feelings! hope yall like

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"You I don't like it when you forget things, right?"

I had been making a point to communicate better. That was the only way this would ever work.

I had to be the one to set the standard.

"I'm really really sorry Zexion. "

I don't know why I bother, to be honest.

It feels like it's a lost cause because of how inherently different we are.

It doesn't even feel like he's sorry.

Yet.

"But when you say sorry and nothing changes it doesn't really seem like you're sorry."

He looks away.

"Honestly, it almost feels manipulative. "

Like saying anything he can just to sweep things under the rug.

Happens every time.

Were opposites.

Why does he even want to hang out with me?

"I don't mean it to seem that way. Please, I truly am sorry."

I do know he means it though.

Sometimes I hate myself for making him hate himself.

Rationally, I should stop there.

But I don't.

"I have been very clear about what I expect, and I don't know if that matters to you. "

Half truth, half spite.

I hate that I have spite. It's a bad look.

But there are some things I just need.

I know that I matter to him.

Even if he is forgetful.

"It does matter to me! What happened was, Saix sent me out on this totally tedious mission, which I ended up completely botching. He was like, you need to do some serious recon on this new world. So I, like, get all geared up and ready to follow around this super buff dude and his girl. Then they split so I continue to follow his girl, cause that dude scared the shit outta me. So she goes into this dark underworld type place and I start to feel really sick and get attacked by heartless. You know I'm horrible with that stuff even on a good day! So for some reason I was even more useless. Apparently, I needed some kind of medal to protect myself from getting sick in the place that she went into. Which, by the way, I only know because some dude with blue fire for hair caught me and told me. I freaked out and rtc'd with nothing in hand for Saix so you can imagine how that went. And then I figured I could nap it off until our plans and I overslept. I really, really am sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, Zexion, I never do. "

Honestly, that does sound like a bad day.

A bad day that I made worse.

I want to hold my ground.

But this time sympathy beats spite.

"It's alright, Demyx."

Deep inside though, it isn't.

I don't completely drop the fucking ball whenever I have a bad day.

Honestly, he has no idea the shit that I go through with my research in the lab.

Working under fucking Vexen, trying to create 'the perfect human vessel'.

How could he even understand the pressure I'm under?

"Are you sure?"

I don't respond.

"You're not sure." He looks at his feet.

He's right. I'm not sure.

It's so confusing. I couldn't even imagine trying to navigate this with a heart.

Or maybe that's the missing link.

Doesn't matter either way.

"I'm sure. I can understand why you would get caught up with all of that."

Even if a part of me still resents him.

But I am trying to communicate better.

"I just know that when I go to castle oblivion, I am actually going to miss our arrangement."

Half true, half censoring what I actually want to say.

He knows that though.

"I mean, me too. Of course! I've been looking forward to one last shebang all week!"

I can't not smile a little.

"So you pick the game and Ill pick the wine."

"Twister! Gotta keep it classic."

"I'll grab some Merlot then."

"Perfecto!"

"I'll meet you in the Grey Area."

"Okay."

I turn towards the kitchen. I feel him watching me walk away.

We both know I left things unsaid.

He knows I did it because I hate being vulnerable.

"Hey!"

I know I can't fool him though

I hear him walk closer to me. His scent gets stronger by the millisecond.

"Wh- "

He kisses me, rough and passionate.

Maybe we really don't need better communication.

I still can't figure out why this works though.

For either of us.

Sometimes. I wish it didn't – because that would make the most sense, logically.

But.

His kiss brings me to the brink of vulnerability.

I won't let this push me over the edge though.

"I really do wish you didn't have to go, this is like, the only fun I have anymore."

_Me too. _

I won't tell him that though.

I know he knows.

Why else would I try and crawl under his skin.

I kiss him back, lightly. I hug him for a few seconds.

"You're always welcome to visit and we can have a game night."

I don't know why I'm baiting him to visit me. Part of me feels bad.

Mostly I just want to see if he will.

Just to validate my insanity.

"I'd really like that. "

_Lets see if you actually remember first._

I let go of him and give his hand a quick squeeze.

"I'll be right back. "

"Kay." He turns towards the Grey Area to get the game.

Peace at last.

I don't know why Demyx of all people gets under my skin.

Were opposites.

We have different goals and talents.

We communicate differently.

Different ways of seeing the world.

But being around him makes me feel like I have a heart.

Like, I feel hollow constantly. And when it comes to him I run completely hot or cold.

It's addicting but I hate it.

A literal and figurative contradiction.

Like us.

I'll miss him more than he knows.

Maybe he does know, I don't give him enough credit sometimes.

Still we are opposites.

But I think, if we did have hearts, they would beat the same way.


End file.
